4/92 Wallis Street, Raglan, Waikato 3225

022 475 1141

Jed seward

Grubbs originate from the planet Tixa which while within the heliosphere of our own Sun is commonly ignored by astronomers as an annoying blip that throws out the entire solar system and without which we would not have leap years, but possibly dinosaurs, due to its role in sending a huge chunk of itself hurtling towards Earth 65 million and a half years ago.

Grubbs backstory, home planet, motivations and common ways to keep them out of your house.

The planet Tixa has vast microsystems ranging from Woowoo berry jungles where the Woowoo berries are plentiful, through to deserts where there are far less Woowoo berries, and even frozen tundra where the Woowoo berries are much colder. [Sorry I am taking this down as a Grubb dictates.]

Grubbs evolved in a few hours from a sort of sludge that fermented [sorry my Grubb narrator wanders off here for a while] into something with arms, legs, and a head with antennae. Grubbs are distinguished by their hardiness (they can survive happily in the void of space) and vibrant colours. Mother nature herself has gone on record as saying “whoops” to this most accidental of her creations.

Approximately the length of one great happy hour later the Grubbs achieved consciousness and set about developing short range warp travel, Woowoo berry based agriculture and scarfs. At this point the Grubbs declared everything worth doing had been done and that what had been done was worth doing just that once.

During this phase the Voyager III satellite was observed by Grubbs in low orbit around the planet. They investigated using the recently invented warp travel only to discover it was a one way trip to the satellite. Very luckily the humans had left very detailed instructions on how to get to planet Earth on the Voyager III which the Grubbs then hot wired and directed back to Earth. There was even music for the trip including Bach, Mozart and Chuck Berry. [I am not making this up.]

It was a long trip to get to Earth and the Grubbs constant fidgeting with the equipment led to some very confusing transmissions back to space agencies on Earth, ultimately leading to the cancellation of many modules of the deep space exploration program. Additionally several cults and at least three local gods where created.

Eventually the craft limped back to Earth and was piloted into a controlled crash within the great forest near my house. The Grubbs where unharmed but more importantly, the supply of Woowoo berries took to the new soil well and production was started here. I have sampled them and the flavour is sour apple mixed with salt water and yuck.

Since establishing themselves, most Grubbs have expressed a desire to travel and trade with us and the Grubbs that haven’t can be bribed (Teddy bears are a hit!) and otherwise tricked via contractual small print shenanigans.

Copyright Jed Seward 2022

Also, keep your eyes peeled for the first book focused on this unique species, titled “Grubbs, A field guide to the species with cookbook addendum.”